A religious wedding ceremony often follows sacred and time-honored traditions that have a special significance. If you or your intended are not religious, but want to have a religious wedding ceremony, here is some basic information for each faith. You should, however, check with your religious leader to ensure you understand the local rituals.
Along with the description of each of the religious ceremonies, a checklist has been provided showing the various steps and the timing involved for each.
We would like to thank Robin Beth Schaer for the following descriptions.
Catholic
Considered one of the seven sacraments, or channels to God's grace, the wedding ceremony is a serious affair in the Catholic Church full of deep spirituality and rich symbolism. Here's what to expect (rituals and readings may vary depending on your church).
Introductory Rites
Liturgy Of The Word
Rite Of Marriage
Exchange Of Rings
Mass
Offertory
Use the Catholic Wedding Schedule to determine what and when these special activities should be done.
Jewish
Mazel Tov, darlings, you're getting married! You've picked out invitations, auditioned the band, and you're on your way to the perfect wedding. Everything is planned, save for the set of essential details that will turn your big day into a timeless, spiritual event. We're talking minhag, baby: the Jewish wedding customs that create a meaningful link between past, present, and future.
The Tish
The Ketubah Signing
The B'deken
The Huppah
Circling
Kiddushin
Sheva B'rachot
Breaking of the Glass
The Yihud
Use the Jewish Wedding Schedule to determine what and when these special activities should be done.
Protestant
Protestant weddings vary depending on denomination: Lutheran, Episcopal, Methodist, Baptist, and Presbyterian to name a few. The Episcopalian Book of Common Prayer provides the model for Protestant weddings, yet each church (and officiant) has its own take on music, sermons, unity candles, and audience participation. What we can provide you are the basics.
Welcoming
Giving Away
Vows
Exchange Of Rings
Unity Candles
Pronouncement
Denomination Variations
Use the Protestant Wedding Schedule to determine what and when these special activities should be done.
Muslim
From the United States to the Middle East to South Asia, Islam stretches across a diverse terrain of politics and culture with followers and practices as varied as the countries from which they hail. Marriage in Islam is viewed as a religious obligation, a contract between the couple and Allah.
Practices
Meher
Nikah
Vows And Blessings
Bride: "I, (bride's name) offer you myself in marriage in accordance with the instructions of the Holy Quran and the Holy Prophet, peace and blessing be upon him. I pledge, in honesty and with sincerity, to be for you an obedient and faithful wife."
Groom: "I pledge, in honesty and sincerity, to be for you a faithful and helpful husband."
Use the Muslim Wedding Schedule to determine what and when these special activities should be done.
Catholic weddings begin with an opening prayer by the priest, naming the couple and asking for God's blessings on their wedding day.
The readers (often family members) read Biblical passages selected by you and pre-approved by the priest, followed by a short sermon about marriage given by the priest.
The entire congregation stands as the couple takes their vows, declaring their commitment to each other. Actual vows vary between churches, but the basic wording is: "I (groom's/bride's name), take you (bride's/groom's name) to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you all the days of my life." The priest then blesses the couple, joins their hands together, and asks, "Do you take (bride's/groom's name) as your lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?"
After the couple (hopefully) responds, "I do," to the vows, the best man gives the bride's ring to the priest, who blesses it and hands it to the groom to place on the bride's finger. Then, the maid of honor hands the groom's ring to the priest, who blesses it and hands it to the bride to place on the groom's finger. Each may say, "I take this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit."
If the ceremony includes Mass (which adds only 15 minutes to the service), the priest asks for the "sign of peace," in which everyone shakes hands with their neighbors. Holy Communion follows. Finally, the priest recites a concluding prayer and nuptial blessing asking for strength and protection for the couple. If the ceremony takes place without a Mass, the ceremony concludes with nuptial blessings and a final prayer from the priest. He then tells the congregation, "Go in peace with Christ," to which they respond, "Thanks be to God."
In some Catholic weddings, the bride places flowers on the shrine of the Blessed Virgin Mary as musicians play "Ave Maria." This rite can be done either before the processional or after the recessional.
A traditional Jewish wedding begins with a groom's tish, Yiddish for table. The groom attempts to present a lecture on the week's Torah portion, while his male friends and family heckle and interrupt him. Meanwhile, the bride is entertained in another room by her female friends and family. Bride and groom may lead the tish together in Conservative and Reform congregations.
In Orthodox communities, after the tish the ketubah (Jewish marriage contract) is signed by the groom, the rabbi, and two male witnesses. In Reform and Conservative congregations, the bride may also sign the ketubah, and additional lines can be added for female witnesses, too. Despite its testimony that the groom has "acquired" the bride, the ketubah is all about the bride's rights and her willingness to take part in the marriage. In fact, the ketubah belongs solely to the bride and is hers to keep as proof of her rights and the groom's responsibilities to her under Jewish law.
The first time a bride and groom see each other in an Orthodox wedding is during the b'deken, or veiling of the bride. Both fathers and all the men lead the groom to the bride's room, where both mothers and all the women surround her. The groom lowers the veil over her face, setting her apart from everyone else and indicating that he is solely interested in her inner beauty. The ceremony is based on the biblical story in which Jacob did not see his bride's face beforehand and was tricked into marrying the wrong sister, Leah. Some couples have created a more egalitarian veiling ceremony in which the bride places a yarmulke on the groom as he covers her with the veil.
The huppah, or wedding canopy, dates back to the tent-dwelling Jewish nomadic days in the desert. Historically, Jewish wedding ceremonies were held outdoors, and the huppah created an intimate, sanctified space. The canopy offers one of the best opportunities to personalize your ceremony. Since there are no formal requirements for its size, shape, or appearance, you can make your own huppah.
When the couple first enters the huppah, the bride circles the groom seven times, representing the seven wedding blessings and seven days of creation, and demonstrating that the groom is the center of her world. To make the ancient ritual reciprocal, many couples opt to circle each other.
The kiddushin (betrothal ceremony) takes place under the huppah. It begins with greetings, a blessing over the wine, and a sip taken by the bride and groom. Next come the rings: The groom recites an ancient Aramaic phrase as he places the wedding band on his bride's right index finger -- the finger believed to be directly connected to the heart. In a double-ring ceremony (not permitted in some Orthodox weddings) the bride also places a ring on the grooms index finger while repeating a feminine form of the Aramaic phrase, or a biblical verse from Hosea or Song of Songs. The ketubah is then read aloud in English and Aramaic.
The sheva b'rachot, or seven blessings, consist of praise for God, a prayer for peace in Jerusalem, and good wishes for the couple. In Sephardic weddings, before the sheva b'rachot are recited, the parents wrap the couple in a tallis, literally binding them together. The rabbi doesn't have to say all seven blessings. You can honor special guests by asking them to read -- or even sing -- some of the blessings.
Nothing says "Jewish wedding" more than the sound of breaking glass. But what's the point? Depending on whom you ask, the breaking of the wineglass is, among other things: a symbol of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem; a representation of the fragility of human relationships; and a reminder that marriage changes the lives of individuals forever. It's also the official signal to shout, "Mazel Tov!" and start partying. There's no law putting the man's foot to the task. If you're game, bride and groom can break the glass together with one swift kick in unison.
In a day filled with chaos, the yihud -- or "seclusion" -- is a standout ritual that lets you focus on the days true purpose: your new partnership. Immediately after the ceremony, bride and groom retreat to a private room for 15 minutes of personal time. No in-laws, no seating arrangement charts, no videographer. Just you and your new spouse staring into each other's eyes. This isn't done much these days, but its customary for newlyweds to seize the yihud moment and feed each other a bite or two of their first meal together.
Protestant weddings start with a traditional call to worship. For example, Episcopalian weddings begin, "We are gathered here today in the presence of God to join this man and this woman in holy marriage," which is almost identical to the Presbyterian opening, "We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of (bride's name) and (groom's name) in holy matrimony." After the welcoming, the officiant may read a few Bible passages followed by a short sermon of advice for the bride and groom.
If a "giving away" is part of the ceremony, the officiant will ask, "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" The bride's father will step forward and state, "I do" or, "Her mother and I do." To make the phrase sound less possessive, the word gives is sometimes replaced with brings. In another variation, the officiant may ask both families if they support the marriage and give their blessing.
Here's the big moment: the vows. Traditional vows are, "I (groom's/bride's name), take you (bride's/groom's name), to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part." Wording choices may vary between denominations, and some officiants will even let you write your own vows.
The ring exchange is only a recent introduction to Protestant weddings (in the past only the bride received a ring). The officiant will bless the rings before handing them to the bride and groom. As they place the bands on each others fingers, the couple may say, "This ring I give you in token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love," or, "With this ring I thee wed," or, "With this ring I wed you, and pledge my faithful love."
After the vows and ring exchange, a unity candle may be lit by the bride and groom as a symbol of their marriage. Parents may also join in the fun (with fire) and light a candle to represent the combining of the couple's families. Not all congregations allow unity candles, so first check with your officiant.
The officiant will conclude the ceremony with prayers and closing blessings. "The Lord's Prayer" may be sung by the congregation. Finally, the officiant will say: "I now pronounce you husband and wife. What God has joined together let no man put asunder." At this point the newlyweds smooch and everyone heads to the party.
If you're Methodist or Presbyterian, you'll probably follow the guidelines of your church's ceremony service book. If you're Lutheran, you'll perform the marriage yourselves -- the pastor represents the church and state only to attest that you have fulfilled your religious and legal obligations. If you're Unitarian, you'll work with your minister to create your ceremony. There's no set liturgy, which means plenty of creative input. If you're Baptist, your church will set the rules regarding marriage specifics. No matter what your denomination, talk to your officiant for details and discussion of your ideas.
The only requirement for Muslim weddings is the signing of a marriage contract. Marriage traditions differ depending on culture, Islamic sect, and observance of gender separation rules. Most marriages are not held in mosques, and men and women remain separate during the ceremony and reception. Since Islam sanctions no official clergy, any Muslim who understands Islamic tradition can officiate a wedding. If you are having your wedding in a mosque, many have marriage officers, called qazi or madhun, who can oversee the marriage.
The marriage contract includes a meher -- a formal statement specifying the monetary amount the groom will give the bride. There are two parts to the meher: a prompt due before the marriage is consummated and a deferred amount given to the bride throughout her life. Today, many couples use the ring as the prompt because the groom presents it during the ceremony. The deferred amount can be a small sum -- a formality -- or an actual gift of money, land, jewelry, or even an education. The gift belongs to the bride to use as she pleases, unless the marriage breaks up before consummation. The meher is considered the bride's security and guarantee of freedom within the marriage.
The marriage contract is signed in a nikah ceremony, in which the groom or his representative proposes to the bride in front of at least two witnesses, stating the details of the meher. The bride and groom demonstrate their free will by repeating the word qabul ("I accept," in Arabic) three times. Then the couple and two male witnesses sign the contract, making the marriage legal according to civil and religious law. Following traditional Islamic customs, the bride and groom may share a piece of sweet fruit, such as a date. If men and women are separated for the ceremony, a male representative called a wali acts in the bride's behalf during the nikah.
The officiant may add an additional religious ceremony following the nikah, which usually includes a recitation of the Fatihah -- the first chapter of the Quran -- and durud (blessings). Most Muslim couples do not recite vows; rather, they listen as their officiant speaks about the meaning of marriage and their responsibilities to each other and to Allah. However, some Muslim brides and grooms do say vows, such as this common recitation:
 Back |
 Next |